Lets talk about heart break.
Warning: I am most definitely not claiming to know the worst pains of the heart and to have the answers of mastering them.
A friend came to me for advice the other day, looking for inspiration because they were hurting. Thankfully, I had just come to this awesome realization in my own life so I was able to provide SOME comfort. It’s a bummer when you turn to a friend for emotional help and they’re saying all the right things, but for whatever reason it still doesn’t soothe in the slightest. What is even worse than that is being the friend struggling and floundering to find those words that can give comfort. Words that give healing. When I can’t deliver the perfect remedy I feel as if I have failed my friend. So for that reason in this post I am going to talk about my own journey. If that helps you in some way then my heart is filled with joy! If it doesn’t that’s okay, what do I know anyway!
I will be turning 23 years old in 4 days. H O L Y S H I T. When I thought about that the other day, my mind started thinking about all the previous years of my life. Where I have been to where I am now. I realized each year of my life was littered with bruises and wounds from something or someone, ever since I can remember. I wish that I could go back to my younger self, in those exact moments and explain why it will be okay. I can’t remember that much of my childhood, but from 1rst grade and up there have been significant pitfalls. I’ll skip over the middle school years. Those contained a mom battling breast cancer, girl drama and awkward boy encounters. I still swear kids are the most ruthless at that age. Here are just a few of the pains I have experienced and the significant impact they’ve had on my life.
Starting with the infamous High School days…
- Telling my “best friend” all about a boy I liked only to turn around and suddenly she’s dating him. This happened countless times with the same friend.
- Losing one of the greatest friends I have had. She didn’t die, but the trust in the friendship did.
- Not getting invited to a party that my supposed “best friend” had helped make the guest list for.
Now onto College days…
- Had my first “serious” relationship and it ended because of a betrayal we couldn’t recover from.
- Had numerous, less than ideal (to put it kindly), roommates. Times filled with intense arguments and fights.
- A good friend of mine betrayed a member of my family and myself.
- That same friend went out of their way to become friends with a former best friend of mine and posted it all over social media in spite of me.
- Verbal, emotional, and physical abuse from an internship boss. I honestly could have sued the B*****
- I actually experienced depression because I was so unhappy in relationship that a doctor tried to put me on antidepressants.
Now all the scenarios I named, I am not saying I was completely in the right! I’m sure I have had my fair share of contributing to the madness and I am FAR from perfect. I am just trying to state the pain it caused me. This is my point of view. Now all those events, just those few heart breaks have shaped my life in the most transforming ways.
- If that “best friend” from high school had not screwed me over for guys, I would have never became best friends with the most genuine person I know. We would have never related on that same betrayal, by the same person.
- If my friendship with “one of the greatest friends I’ve had” hadn’t ended and if I had been left on that guest list, I would have never grown so close to my current best friend. I would have never hung out with kids from another school. I would have never met/dated my first boyfriend.
- If I never dated my first boyfriend I would have never even thought of Nashville.
- If we didn’t break up, if I didn’t have less than ideal roommates, if I didn’t loose another friend, if I didn’t have such a terrible boss, and whatever else I would have never gotten the courage to leave Michigan.
- If I never dated again, I wouldn’t have realized that there are plenty of opportunities to fall in love again. I wouldn’t have realized that you do in fact get over your so called “first love.”
- If certain relationships and friendships hadn’t ended I never would have become so close with the friends I have now and I wouldn’t have realized how happy I am being single.
- If I had never been told I should try antidepressants, I would have never strongly pursued finding where true happiness comes from!
All of these experiences and heart breaks, moments of sobbing, despair, and loneliness led me to such wonderful things. They have pushed me to not settle for a life I am not truly happy with. I used to get so angry with God questioning him “why are you doing this to me? I thought you loved me!” I realize he loves me so much that he allows these things to happen, so that he can give me something equally as great if not better. When I really look at my relationship with God, I see that even in these moments, he never left me. He is the only reason that had to be getting me through.
So my advice to you is to analyze the heart breaks in your life. What positive things have come from them? This has given me so much comfort and healing. See where they have led you. If you can’t find the silver lining, then start to create one! I love to create lists of goals and develop plans to achieve them! What is it you want to do with this one and only beautiful gift of life you were given? I urge you to find the courage to pursue it!
“My life is but a weaving, between my God and me, I do not choose the colors he worketh steadily. Oftimes he weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride, forget he sees the upper, and I the underside. Not ’til the lume is silent and shuttles cease to fly, will God unroll the canvas and explain the reasons why. The dark threads are as needed in the skillful weaver’s hand as the threads of gold and silver, in the pattern he has planned” ♥